True Love, A Practice for Awakening the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh
I finished this book once but I am planning to read the book one more time to pay more attention word by word on what Thich Nhat Hanh meant to teach a reader like me to understand what so called -- "TRUE LOVE"--
I will be back to write more once finishing the 2nd round reading the book.
Oct 30, 2021
I am back to read the book again.
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Understanding is the essence of love. Love is a true thing if it is made up of a substance called understanding. If there is no joy in your love, you can be sure that it is not true love.
You must love unconditionally and let the person you love be him/herself.
Love is Being There (for the one you love)
Do you have time to love?
You need to be there for the one you love. But first you need to make sure your body and your mind come together in one first before you can be there for your loved one. Practicing breathing in and out is a good starting point of bringing your body and mine together. Breathing in, you know you are breathing in, breathing out, you know you are breathing out. Know your breathing and tell your loved one that you are there for him/her. Now, you are really with your loved one with both your body and your mind ready to listen and understand him/her.
Recognizing the Presence of the Other
Being there with your body and mind is the first thing, then, next is to recognize the presence of the other. When you recognize your loved one, he or she will be very happy and will open his or her heart for you. When you touch a flower, touch it with your finger and also with your mind. Breathing in, I know the flower is here, breathing out, I smile at the flower. When you see the blue sky, see it with your eyes and also with your mind. You cannot call back the past, and you do not know the future, so, be with the present. Practice being with the present by breathing in and breathing out and recognize the present and the presence of the other when you are there with him or her.
Being There When Someone is Suffering
When you practice mindfulness, you understand the present situation and therefore, you can notice when your loved one is suffering. Your presence with the unification of body and mind plus your kind words can help to relieve your loved one's suffering.
Overcoming Pride
This mantra is getting difficult to practice. When you are suffering, you are suffering the most when you think it was caused by the one you love. If it would have been someone else, you would feel less suffering. Because of this, you refuse to lower your pride and you expect the one you love to say something, or do something to ease your pain first. This can get worse as your suffering might be caused by misperception. So, you should lower your pride, go to your loved one and let him/her know you need to talk to him/her and you need his/her help to ease your suffering.
Deep Listening
When a knot starts to tie up in your loved one's mind, then, he/she starts to change. If he/she keeps it in his/her mind, then, it eventually becomes a bomb that can get easily exploded. At the same time, if you do not try to listen to him/her, your mind starts to also have a knot that will explode as well. So, you should offer to listen to your loved one. Let your loved one speak and you listen. Then, take turn to speak and have your loved one listen. This will help both of you to open up and understand each other better.
Learning to Speak with Love Again
Following deep listening is speaking with love. Writing, a form of speaking, to your loved one is also a practice of mindfulness. If you cannot write, then you can start by practicing breathing in, I can see your face, breathing out, I can see you as a child and so on. Keep practicing and one day you will eventually understand your loved one, the situation and how you would like to communicate to him/her.
Restoring Peace within Yourself
You can take care of your loved one only after you can take care of yourself. Caring for yourself is restoring peace within yourself. To restore peace within yourself, you can start with practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness carries with it, concentration, understanding and love. Practicing mindfulness for three weeks can bring back your joy in living, and compassion within yourself can help the one you love.
The Energy of Mindfulness
If you have a deep pain within you, then, meditate. When you are breathing in, know that you are breathing in, when you are breathing out, then, know that you are breathing out. When you have anger, then, know that you are angry. Anger is an energy which has no need to be suppressed but instead, when you know you are angry, you then use another energy which is mindfulness to care for the anger. Practicing breathing or walking meditation can help you to use energy of mindfulness to care for your pain, your anger and undesirable energy happening within yourself.
Caring for Our Pain
When a baby is crying, mother is running to the baby and hold the baby up in her arms. Even the mother still does not know what is wrong with the baby, the baby starts to feel soothed. Then, not long after that, the mother is smart enough to understand what goes wrong with the baby; diaper needs attention, the baby needs a bottle or the baby has a fever touch. Mindfulness is just like the mother. Practicing mindfulness everyday will help transform your pain, anger and suffering in your life into positive energy. Then, you will be capable of understanding the negative energy and deal with it.
The Principle of Nonduality
Nonduality means oneness. Hate and love, evil and good, suffering and happiness, negative and positive, in fact, they are not two separated things. They just transform within themselves. It is just like when a gardener sees compost, he sees tomatoes, and flowers inside the compost. And when the tomatoes and flowers become wither, they turn to be compost. So, we must practice mindfulness to transform pain and suffering into positive energy of compassion, understanding, and love.
Reconciliation
Body and mind are also oneness. You need to practice mindfulness with every part of your body from hair to toes, your eyes, your heart, your liver, and so on. You are reconciling your body and mind into oneness. Breathing in, I am thinking about my heart, breathing out, my heart is working nonstop day and night. I should support my heart and I will not eat fatty food. Breathing in, I am thinking about my liver, breathing out, my liver is working hard because I drink. I will stop drinking so my liver will not overwork. You are using mindfulness with compassion, understanding and love towards every part of your body.
Coming to Life Again
Coming to life again is being with the present moment. Practice walking meditation will help you to come to life again. When you walk from your house to the subway station, you can take a little more time and walk with mindfulness. Build the walking meditation into your everyday life to allow you to build positive energy within your body and mind every day.
(What is Walking Meditation?
What is Walking Meditation - A Beginner\'s Guide! | (improveyourbrainpower.org)
Walking Meditation is the exercise that aims at increasing your awareness as you walk and being mindful of the body, sensations and feelings with every step.)
Telephone Meditation
When you hear a phone ring, you get agitated. You start to concern who is calling, if it is bad news or good news, and you tend to rush to pick up the phone right away. You can change this habit by practicing telephone meditation. When you hear a phone ring, you will breathe in and breathe out and walk with mindfulness to pick up the phone. Or if your phone is within reach, you will observe your breathing in and out and let the phone rings for couple times before picking it up. This will help you to feel less agitated but calmer when picking up the phone.
Everybody Should Practicing Mindfulness
Relief, peace, well-being, joy and better relations with others will be better if we practice mindfulness in our everyday life. We should be mindful as individuals, but also as a community, as a family, and as a nation.
Getting Rid of Our Concepts
We are afraid of everything; of our death, of being alone, of being apart, of change and so on. Practicing mindfulness will help us to touch nonfear. In Buddhism, the greatest relief that we can obtain is that of touching Nirvana, where nonfear has become something that is part of our everyday life. Joining community practicing mindfulness can help you to reach nonfear much better as you will be practicing with sisters and brothers who as well have compassion, understanding, love, and freedom.
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Finally, the 2nd round of reading the book indeed helped me to understand much better of "TRUE LOVE". I have been trying to practice mindfulness since 2017 and now in 2021, I think I become a little better person but this practice should still be going on. I used to attend a day and 3-day meditation courses and it was a good starting point for me. One of my bucket lists is also attending a long meditation course such as at Goenka Vipassana Meditation locations or at Thich Nhat Hanh's practice centers.
