We all have our own struggling, our own problems and of course our own lives. We should not judge the sadnesses of others because as long as we are not in his or her shoes, we will never ever understand them.
During the last quarter of 2021, my heart was filled up with sadnesses. I did not realize that until the beginning of December. The never-ending divorce that had lasted for 4-5 years already, the new relationship that did not last, my daughter who never wanted to travel or go here and there with me for an unknown reason, and her health issues that had always been my concerns. I felt so lonely. One day, I talked over the phone with my close friend, and I started to cry and cry and talk and cry. Since that day, my tear kept coming down anytime those sadnesses surfaced in my thoughts. At the orientation with a monk, as soon as I started to talk to him, I cried right away.
With no internet, no electronics, and no cell phone allowed at the monastery, I read "With Each & Every Breath, A Guide to Meditation" written by Thanissaro Bhikku (Geoffrey DeGraff). I was so blessed to find this book. The first night of meditation, 90% of the time my thoughts only wandered around between all those sadnesses. Thanissaro Bhikku says in the book, write down other thoughts in a paper and come back to deal with them after the meditation, or if those thoughts keep coming back during mediation, let it be, if they show up 100 times, let them go and bring my mind back to the breath 100 times. He gives suggestion on how to focus on the breath, how to observe breath energy going through our body parts and so on. There is no right or wrong in meditation, we just need to experiment with some guidance and eventually reach our own meditation path which also can be changed several times through the experiences.
The Buddha - Dhamma
is not to be found in moving forward nor in the moving backward,
nor in standing still.
This is your place of non-abiding.
--Ajahn Chah
To me, meditation itself does not replace sadnesses. But meditation teaches me to be "non-abiding" which means, do not hold on to the past as it never returns, do not worry about the future, as it is unknown, just live with the present. To live with the present, meditation teaches me to observe my breathing in and out. To be able to observe my breathing in and out, I have to be alert, be mindful, so that when my thoughts start to wander, then, I can bring myself back to observe my breath again. I strongly believe, the more I practice meditation, naturally, the more sadnesses will be going away and replaced with a calmer and happier mind.
When you experience struggling in life, mid-life crisis, or sadnesses, in some situations, you might be able to do something or ask for cooperation from others, but in most situations, you cannot control the others, your partner, or the situations themselves, but you can work up your mind by doing meditation and gradually you will come out of those sadnesses, be happier and be more rational to deal with the issues with less emotional effects.
"With Each & Every Breath, A Guide to Meditation" written by Thanissaro Bhikku (Geoffrey DeGraff) -- Request for the book can be sent to Metta Forrest Monastery.
Metta Booklist (dhammatalks.org)
Or download eBook from:
With Each & Every Breath: A Guide to Meditation (dhammatalks.org)
